You’ve heard the message: Dismissiveness hurts. When you bring a real problem or an idea to an adult leader and their response is a dismissive comment—or worse, “I don’t care”—it’s frustrating, unfair, and makes you question why you should even try.
First, know this: You are heard, and your concerns are valid. Your initiative is vital to our program. You can’t control another person’s attitude, but you can control your approach. Handling these tough situations professionally is a trait of a truly exceptional future leader. Just like a compass helps you find your bearing on a hazy trail, these tools will help you navigate complex leadership situations.
See also this article: The JROTC Instructor https://thedrillmaster.org/2019/10/22/the-jrotc-instructor/
About the image at the top. Think of it as an individual, compass in hand, making his way down a hazy path and as he progresses along the path, it becomes a bit clearer.
Setting the Stage: Focus on Standards, Not Experts
Many cadets (and adults) in the tens of thousands have learned all kinds of things from my books, articles, videos, courses, and social media posts.
There is a tendency for cadets to take their newfound knowledge and bring an idea to their adult leadership (JROTC instructors, for instance). This is a great idea, but you should never begin with “DrillMaster says…”
It’s not about me (or anyone else), it’s about the standards. Sometimes the standards are not as clear as we might want them, and I have peeled back the veneer and brought something new (to you) to light. Learning and passing along that information is exactly what needs to happen and making that presentation to others as professional as possible is the goal.
Tool 1: Use Professional Communication (P.C.)
When emotions are high, it’s easy to react emotionally. But a professional approach gives you control and credibility. Your goal is to focus on the solution, not the frustration.
How to Reframe Your Issue:
- Be Specific: Never lead with “I feel like…” or “They are unfair.” Focus instead on facts and consequences.
- Instead of: “We are using the wrong flags, staffs, and finials for color guard.”
- Use: “I’ve been reading, and according to (TC 3-21.5) and (AR 840-10), I just found out we are not using the proper equipment.”
- Always Offer a Solution: Showing initiative is key. Come with a potential fix, even if it’s simple.
- The Three-Part Script: Use this simple framework:
- “I would like to discuss…” (State the topic clearly.)
- “My suggestion is that we have a fundraiser specifically for our new equipment.” (Present your idea for a fix.)
- “What do you think is the best way forward?” (Invite collaboration, not confrontation.)
- The Three-Part Script: Use this simple framework:
Tool 2: Master the Escalation Ladder (The “Bypass”)
What happens when you use P.C. and the adult still shuts you down? You need a respectful path forward.
Step 1: Attempt the Cool-Down
If the adult seems busy or stressed, don’t push in that moment. Politely thank them for their time and try again later. This gives the person a chance to reconsider.
Example: “I see you’re tied up right now. I’ll check back with you on this policy question tomorrow afternoon.”
Please note: this statement is crucial. You are not being forceful or belligerent, but you are being assertive and that is very positive. Do what you said you were going to do-come back and address your concern. Have a document to give your leadership that explains what you found in your service-specific manuals.
Step 2: Find a Peer Adult (Your Partner)
If the same adult continues to be dismissive or unhelpful, your next move is to find a trusted adult who is not directly involved and is known for being supportive (a co-advisor, another instructor, program director, or a parent).
Approach this new adult using Tool 1 (P.C.). Explain the problem and the solution you’re seeking. Do not spend time criticizing the first adult*; simply state that you were unable to get the information or help you needed to move forward on the task.
*Bad-mouthing is natural for some, but it only leads to alienation of the new partner.
Step 3: Formal Chain of Command (The Last Resort)
If the issue is major (involves ethical concerns, safety, or serious violations) and cannot be solved by a peer adult, you must know who is at the next level. This may be the Principal, a higher-level organizational contact, or a specific program supervisor.
Important: This step should always be considered a serious move. If possible, involve your parent or guardian before engaging the formal chain of command for serious matters.
Tool 3: Document Everything (D.E.)
If nothing else, we learn in the military to “document, document, document.” It’s the only thing that will help you in any situation. Your memory is good, but written records are better. If you anticipate an issue or need to escalate, documentation is your protection and proof.
- Keep a Simple Log: Write down the Who, What, and When of the situation.
- Who was involved? (The adult, other cadets, etc.)
- What happened or was said? (A brief description or exact quote if possible.)
- When did it occur? (Date and time.)
- Keep it Private: This record is for your eyes and the eyes of the person you report to—never post it to a group chat or social media. Documentation is a tool for problem-solving, not for drama.
Your Final Mission
Dealing with adult leaders who struggle to lead is tough, but it’s part of developing your own leadership skills. You are learning to navigate bureaucracy and difficult personalities, which are skills you will need for the rest of your career.
Don’t let frustration stop your mission. Control your response, be professional, and focus your energy on finding the successful path forward. With these tools as your compass, you can confidently chart your course even through the most challenging terrain.